In his famous book Man's Search for Meaning, psychiatrist Viktor Frankl described how people living in the adversity of concentration camps in World War II fared better if they were able to find meaning or purpose amid their circumstances. Today, researchers have found that his observations apply to the adversity of a chronic or life-threatening illness as well. But what possible meaning or purpose can be there be in the experience of CFS? People with this illness find that it directly challenges all that their lives have stood for. In talking with former sufferers, many of whom had been so debilitated they doubted they could ever recover, it is common to find that they look back on the illness as a time of profound learning. They report that CFS served as a teacher and an opportunity for re-evaluating their values, purposes, and whole way of life.
Though it may be hard to believe at first, there is a consensus here: in retrospect, the lessons learned were of such great value that they were worth the price. Following are some of the insights offered by former patients.
One of the most common discoveries is that we can actually pay attention and listen to ourselves much more deeply than before. Some experience this as listening to inner guidance. Others describe it as listening to the body, as trusting yourself, or as accepting yourself. Consider Tina:
"Getting sick was the best thing that ever happened to me... My body just had to stop me. I wasn't paying enough attention to my life, my stress, my job and my unhappiness to do anything about it, until I got so sick that I literally could not do anything and had to stop... I've learned that I always lose when I don't listen to myself, when I don't trust myself. I just have to do things from my heart or my intuition. Otherwise things just go wrong."
Tremendous strides in self-acceptance are very common. As Debbie states,"I feel now that whoever I am and whatever state I am in, I'm okay, I love myself... My wants and needs are valid, and I say what they are. I may not always get it right now, but I no longer wait for someone else to give me permission or encouragement to have what I want or need."
Much of the suffering brought by CFS is as a result of having to cope with the limitations on our ability to do things. It stands to reason that to the degree that you define yourself by your actions, youwill suffer more. Consider for example Gail's perspective:
"The big revelation for me was that I am not what I do. I discovered that it didn't matter to my husband whether I could do anything or not. Even though I wasn't doing a thing for anybody, there were still people around that loved me. That was a new awakening for me...
"I felt like I was a big zero, but other people were seeing something in me that I couldn't see. I began to think that maybe there was something left, maybe I had something within me that I could give. If people could see something in me deeper than my everyday roles, there must be something there and I needed to look for it."
Related to the lessons about being versus doing is a more general re-examination of values about living. Bernice offers us the following reflections:
"It's made me more compassionate, more understanding. It's made me slow down and get off the rat race and start looking at what's real important in life. I think had I not gotten ill, I wouldn't be spending as much time with my children. I'd be at work, and I wouldn't have learned meditation."
For Kris it was a simple message about living in the moment: "I'velearned to pay more attention to the present, and worry less about the past and future."