Many have said in the last weeks of a loved one's dying in a hospital: "I wish I could do more." We always think to ourselves, "Take them home to die and don't worry, you will!"

Giving a loved one round-the-clock support may draw on energy reserves long unexplored, while feeding some place deeper than bodily fatigue. To bring loved ones home to die is like accompanying them on their last pilgrimage. There is no experience more intimate. To share that time with another, to encourage a loved one to let go gently while we ourselves practice what we preach, can bring beings together as no other situation can.

Here are a few things that can make the experience easier:

• A cassette recorder so the person can listen to a variety of music and guided meditations.
  
• A bedside bell so the person can feel in contact and summon help.
  
• Plastic bedpans, which aren't as cold as metal ones.
  
• Daily baths, for human contact and protection against bedsores.
  
• Massage for decreasing tension and anxiety while deepening contact.
  
• Don't force someone to eat. You are sharing an openness and ease with what is.
  If the person wishes not to eat, so be it.
  
• A blender is useful when one does not wish to take in too much at a time.
  
• A hot plate or plug-in teapot in the person's room lets you have a cup of tea
  or light snack without having to leave the room.
  
• Water and juice should always be available.
  
• A hospital bed with side rails is convenient and comfortable, but many prefer
  to die in their own beds, and would rather use a foam wedge and a few extra pillows.
  
• Pain medications should be given as the person wishes. Don't push your own ideas
  of how they should work with pain.
  
• The best place for the bed may be in the living room, near the window. This lets the
  person maintain contact with the familiar.
  
• It is not uncommon for people who are dying to feel that their illness may be a
  punishment for past actions. Supportive measures that can help dissolve the guilt
  should be encouraged.
  
• You may wish to call the Visiting Nurses' Association in your town for further
  information and support.
  

Experiences That Will Give You Great Insight into Aging, Illness and Dying

1. Volunteer at a Nursing Home.
2. Volunteer at a Hospice.

People who've done either of the above -- even if it's only for one week -- invariably have a memorable experience. You'll see how your body is going to grow old some day, and all that entails -- how difficult it can be just to sit up, just to life your fork and eat, just to walk, just to sit in a chair. You'll see how, for the elderly, the being inside has not changed a bit since they were 15. Highly recommended and unforgettable.

We encourage the people we work with to adopt some kind of practice, one that suits their own life and preferences, but ideally a daily practice, one they can stay with, something to which they give first priority, something they do at a regular time, and do even if they don't feel like it on that particular day.