When others exude a natural, non-intrusive sexuality, it can be an expression of wholeness and energetic health. Balanced vibes may have nothing to do with romantic intentions. Sometimes we get too apprehensive when simply sensing a person's sexual self. It's signifies our well-roundedness as humans. If we only register a big erotic blank from people we cease to be alive! In this program, you want to comfortably embody sexual energy, and attract those you’re in synch with.
Inevitably, though, you'll also be exposed to negative vibes and must know how avert them. At times it's an easy call. You're out with a guy who won't stop groping you. The solution? Don't see him again. But how about less obvious cases? A friend's husband keeps gazing in your eyes just a little too long. The car mechanic gives you the sexual willies for no "obvious" reason. You may doubt your read of the situation or try to ignore the energy, yet it won't let up.
Here's my advice: trust yourself. You don't have to condone unnerving sexual vibes. Or walk around with a reeled in sensuality because you’re afraid. I know how disturbing these vibes can be; I intuitively perceive them as vandals who have no business being anywhere near my space. As I tell patients, by dealing with such vibes, you're taking responsibility for self-care. However, if you have a constant sense of jeopardy or no partner feels safe you must explore your barriers to intimacy and mend sexual scars; these can distort perceptions. Otherwise, action required.
Interventions To Combat Negative Sexual Energy
Eliminate clear-cut predators. If someone is coming on too strong, this unseemly behavior must stop. Treat him or her as would any skunk, (in the weasel family) who's about to putrefy you with a foul odor. In a social situation, make a quick escape. No excuses needed. Sexual impropriety at home and in the workplace also must be addressed. Not to say it's easy. Summoning all your strength, you may have to insist that an emotionally or physically abusive spouse get professional help. Or go to employee relations about a boss or coworker. Blatant sexual harassment is more than inappropriate; it's control obsessed and cruel. Being continually exposed to this negative sexual energy will consume you.
Speak up and set boundaries. In more ambiguous situations sensitively surfacing the issue may resolve it. For example, take your friend's husband aside and say in a non-blaming but firm tone, "I might be wrong, but I keep feeling you're flirting with me. It makes me feel awkward. If you are flirting, please stop." This direct approach often does the trick with people who're unconsciously motivated, or who need to have your limits of appropriate behavior defined. If you don't do this, you feel slimed all the time. You know the feeling--like being smushed by the gooey otherworldly ectoplasm in Ghostbusters. You need a bath afterwards.
If the person still doesn't stop
Option A: Recruit Outside Help Make an intuitive call whether it's productive to go this route. If the behavior is really bothering you, you can up the ante. With your friend's husband you might ask a neutral party you both respect to mediate. Or you can tactfully solicit your friend's help directly. The idea is not to disparage her husband, but to couch your vantage point in, "This is how I feel...I'd be more at ease if..." I realize this is potentially explosive between friends, but a heartfelt tone can often work things out. Always, part of using your intuition is to access whether someone is receptive to this kind of communication.