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The Mystery of Miscarriage

© Judyth Reichenberg-Ullman ND, MSW

I never would have guessed I would have had even one miscarriage, much less four in four years . My health has always been excellent, my energy high, and my periods every 28 days without fail. I always thought I would know if it were right for me to have a child, and that, if it were, "the right man" would appear. I used birth control impeccably in the meantime because I had an intuitive feeling that I could get pregnant very easily.` In my late thirties I did meet "the right man" and, though we still didn't feel having children was a prerequisite to our happiness, we were open to the possibility. I became pregnant a year and a half after Bob and I married. We were very excited, and assumed that the pregnancy would turn out fine. We were shocked when I miscarried at 12 weeks. It was the first time in my life that my body hadn't done pretty much what I wanted it to. I was surprised at how much more attached I was to having a child once I was pregnant. I was also amazed at how painful my miscarrage was. I decided to let nature take its course rather than have a D and C. As soon as I passed the fetus, the pain subsided, as did the bleeding a week or two later. The day after the miscarriage, I saw a patient who was pregnant and wanted an abortion and saw quite vividly that we each get just those experiences that we need what we need, though not always what we think we need. Strangely, right aroung the time of the miscarriage, we had several mechanical failures at home. Within the space of a week, the sump pump on the septic tank failed (requiring my plants to be dug up and the tank drained), the freezer failed and defrosted all of my frozen produce. Around the same time, the wash machine hose disconnected itself and flooded our finished basement. Some friends were very nurturing, while others didn't know what to say or told us having children would be a hindrance, anyway, to our spiritual growth. It took me about six months to recover, physically and emotionally, from the miscarriage. I read that one out of every five pregnancies, and maybe even more, do end in miscarriage. So the odds were still in my favor.

I got pregnant again about seven months later. The pregnancy went well, or so it seemed. I reached l4 weeks without complications. We had planned a trip to Maui to relax. I figured, since I was past the first trimester, there was nothing to worry about. I didn't lift any suitcases and passed up a raft trip, which seemed too vigorous. We went for a hike in the volcanic crater of Haleakala , immediately after which I started to spot again. The day we flew back to Seattle, I started to cramp, went in for an ultrasound, and was told the fetus had died three to four weeks before. This time I decided on a D and C to have the fetus removed. The day I returned to my practice this time, I saw a 9 month old child with Down's syndrome, which gave me much food for thought. This time, even though I had a D and C, it still took four to six months to get my body back, more or less, to its pre-pregnant state.

During this time, we had discussed the miscarriages with our two main spiritual teachers, Ammachi and Baba Hari Dass, in addition to consulting astrologers, psychics, and health professionals and being blessed by many people in many places. We had communicated with the soul of the fetus both times and felt very connected with it. By this time, I had gotten tired of taking my temperature every day and planning sex according to my fertile times. I had a very powerful experience with Ammachi, an Indian woman saint who is able to pour out love unconditionally. I felt, instantaneously, as I sat before her at Orcas Island, that my obsession with having a child was lifted. It felt like a huge surrender had occurred. After that experience, we didn't think much about getting pregnant, but were still not closing the doors. Bob and I happened to be visiting Baba Hari Dass in California last spring. Babaji, who has been silent for 40 years and communicates by writing on a chalkboard, asked us "Pregnant?" We assured Babaji that we had let go of the desire to become parents. A week later I realized I was pregnant again. We had planned to spend the majority of my first trimester with Ammachi, so I felt I would have lots of protection from the Divine Mother. We adopted a "three's a charm" hopefulness. I used homeopathy, progesterone, and the usual prenatal vitamins and a healthy, natural diet. But, at nearly l2 weeks, the same scenario occurred, minus the D and C.

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About The Author
Judyth Reichenberg-Ullman, ND, DHANP, MSW is a licensed naturopathic physician board certified in homeopathic medicine. She graduated with a degree in ...more
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