"Folks, why don't you get with it? Synthetic drugs are for crybabies
and people who really just don't know any better! But remember, although
herbs can really heal everything from cancer to carbuncles, only brand (x)
from [your company's name here] is for real, because only brand (x) is made
from herbs that are never, never irradiated, unsprayed and unpolluted--and
sold by advertising that is unrealistic. Herbal products from every other
company just don't measure up.
At company (x), our motto is: if it doesn't cure everything, isn't made
from the best herbs money can buy and sell for the very cheapest price,
it doesn't ship!"
Alternate release for some audiences (the midwest):
A quote from Herb U. Zer:
"I used to pop aspirin like I had a real bad headache--every
day. That is until I tried herbs. Now I pop valerian tablets the same way.....some
things never change, do they?"
2nd Alternate, where needed:
"Some doctors are fond of saying:
'are herbs really safe'? 'don't be a sucker....quacks abound and they will
tell you anything to get at your hard-earned savings. These are the most
important danger signs:
1. When a so-called 'natural healer' gives you a bottle of herbal pills,
and tells you that they will work better when combined with a good diet
and healthy life-style. This is the first sign of a quack doctor. Nutritional
experts tell us that diet, other living habits and especially attitude have
no influence on health. This idea came from outdated beliefs--disease is
caused by a combination of bad luck and pathogens.
2. Watch for the 'practitioner' that tells you that chemical drugs can be
dangerous. Before a drug can be sold in this country, it must undergo extensive
testing. This enables us to know exactly what side effects it has, so we
can give you other drugs to counteract them.
These are only two of the many signs to watch out for. For a complete list
of "quack signs," write to:
Citizens for responsible health care
c/o the AMA
1287 Rockport ave.
Washington, D.C. 01345."
These are common misconceptions brought to you by....you guessed it!
"THE HERBAL QUACKBUSTERS!!"