Join Now!      Login

Whole Person Wellness Program Wellness Model
Skip Navigation Links
Health Centers
Key Services
Medicial Mistakes?
How many people each year suffer some type of preventable harm that contributes to their death after a hospital visit?
from 46,000 to 78,000
from 78,000 to 132,000
from 132,000 to 210,000
from 210,000 to 440,000

 Self-Inquiry: Pursuing Relationships 

We often enter relationships without knowing our own Self, hoping that another person will provide what we think we don't already have.

We create an image of ourselves that reflects our incompleteness, and we hold out that image to another person. They, in turn, hold out their image to us. The relationship begins, but it is a relationship of two images, two objects, two sets of desires. This kind of relationship ends in disappointment because it is not authentic. We might blame some discrepancy of compatibility or life purpose, but, in reality, the disappointment is that neither has been touched. Only the images are touched. This collision of images creates the patterns in our relationships, and it is the reason we often feel that we come to the same end, only with different people.

What is our motive for pursuing relationships? Is it to provide security - financial, emotional, psychological? Is it to mitigate loneliness or boredom? Is it to dramatize our own need to dominate and control. Is it to animate deep-seated fantasies and imaginings? Is there a strong sexual urge that demands consummation without regard to the consequences?

When we look at another person, what do we see? Do we see only an object to satisfy our unexamined needs, desires, and fantasies? And if we say that we do see another person, are we seeing only the facade of their projected imagination and cravings?

We cannot pursue other people as prey. In doing so, there is always deception and sadness. The unexamined desires behind "pursuing" relationships are never fulfilled.

There are some people with whom we experience an instant magnetism that is overwhelming. We feel deep currents of attraction and love. We immediately channel this energy of attraction into the trap of our fantasies. Think how often our response to attraction is, This is the one! We are not meant to possess the object of our love, to imprison it in our wanting. Only in freedom is there love. When we experience love with someone, it is to deepen our capacity for love.

We must be honest about our motives for "pursuing" relationships. If we hope that another person will fill us with what we don't already have, we are sowing the seeds of attachment and dependency. First, we have to know what we are missing; we have to know what it is that we want another person to fulfill for us. Once we see this clearly, we might also see that it is our responsibility to fulfill ourselves with our own inner resources of being and Self-knowing. Having done this, we can bring this fullness to every person we meet. We can meet others with openness, with patience, with discernment. This openness of being allows us to truly discover another person's essence, to touch and be touched deeply, without desperation, without need.

If we are more restrained, initially, we can allow the proper unfolding of a relationship. We won't be bothered by the hungry urgency of our projected images. We can enjoy being together with others in the spirit of freedom. We can let things develop. As we move in the world, without desperation, without hunger, we will meet many people. We will have many relationships, some of which might last for a day, others deep and enduring.

Let people enter your life freely, with ease and happiness and respect. Don't treat them as objects, but discover them with openness and curiosity. Don't become agitated and tense. Don't grab, don't hold on. Stay balanced in your own Self.

We don't have to ruin each other over and over again, as we do when we try to lure another into the trap of our inner emptiness. Pursue your own Self, and then let everything else pursue you.

(Excerpted from The Sacred Hub ISBN: 0895948370)
 Comments Add your comment 

 About The Author
Robert Rabbin Robert Rabbin is a contemporary mystic; a speaker and writer who presents Radical Sages programs throughout the world. He is a leading exponent of Silence and self-inquiry as a way of revealing our authentic being and......more
 From Our Friends
Popular & Related Products
Popular & Featured Events
2019 National Wellness Conference
     October 1-3, 2019
     Kissimmee, FL USA
Additional Calendar Links
Dimensions of Wellness
Wellness, Self Responsibility, Love, dimension!

Home       Wellness       Health A-Z       Alternative Therapies       Wellness Inventory       Wellness Center
Healthy Kitchen       Healthy Woman       Healthy Man       Healthy Child       Healthy Aging       Nutrition Center       Fitness Center
Discount Lab Tests      First Aid      Global Health Calendar      Privacy Policy     Contact Us
Disclaimer: The information provided on HealthWorld Online is for educational purposes only and IS NOT intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek professional medical advice from your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Are you ready to embark on a personal wellness journey with our whole person approach?
Learn More/Subscribe
Are you looking to create or enhance a culture of wellness in your organization?
Learn More
Do you want to become a wellness coach?
Learn More
Free Webinar