I feel powerless, indecisive (2)... like I have to struggle through everything.. like I'm treading water, unable to commit to things... so I sit here and I don't know what to do (3). I have a fear of going after something and having it fail (3). I fearhaving power or the right to have power. I don't have a right to have an opinion or say anything. If I know something about a plant, it's always disputed. People seem to sense that they have power over me. It's easy for them to criticize me. I don't stand up for myself and, when I do, it sounds defensive. My mind means nothing. I'm not regarded as real, true. I started dancing at 15. My sister, who was ten years older, saw me dance one night and said, 'If I'd been given dance classes for as many years as you have, I'd dance better than you.'
I was told as a child that I only cried to get something so I stopped crying. Or they said I was too happy so I settled down. I was a sweet child. My mother was cold. She never comforted me when I was upset.
Why should they [people] have a right to feel so self-important? I've always been different and people notice it. I feel noticed, put on the spot. People can see my weaknesses and pounce on them (3). Whatever I do is noticed (3). I don't fit in I don't understand other people. I don't get interested in what they're interested in (3). I am so different (3). I'm interested in more spiritual things... love and spirituality, not fighting, negativity, what color her shoes are... yet I'm irritated with others."
"If I really showed who I was, I would be rejected. I don't know if people appreciate someone who's not playing [games]. I've tried hard to hide. I couldn't ever say something without it coming back to me. I've tried to slip by life. I try to slip by w/o being noticed because they're judgmental of everything I do. My parents had a way they expected me to be. I didn't have the freedom. I didn't have the freedom to be who I was."
Dreams: "When I was little, I had a recurrent dream of a cobblestone street in Europe. It was raining. I was a little girl. I jumped up on a fruit wagon."
Temperature- "I get really cold (2)."
ROS: wringing pain below umbilicus at end of urination (2) golden vaginal dischg. since PID. Stains underpants.
"The other day, while driving home, I was crossing the street and a woman driver was staring at me. That's always happened. I was annoyed and angry. I feel, "Mind your own business".
Discussion of Case 2:
The day after the telephone interview with Christine, we spent about twenty minutes trying to understand her state and to find the best rubrics. We looked at "offended easily", "wrong, everything see7ms", "complaining", "discontented; everything another does is wrong", and many other rubrics. We kept trying to find the one rubric which best fit her. Finally it seemed that the adjective which best described her was "indignation". It seemed to run as a thread through her life. We then used Chitkara's Word Index of Expanded Repertory of Mind Symptoms to find the five rubrics with indignation: "ailments from anger, with indignation", "ailments from indignation", "ailments from mortification with indignation", "cheerful, alternating with bursts of indignation", and "silent grief with indignation", and "indignation". We came up with Colcoynthis and then found the following rubrics in Agarwal's Materia Medica of the Human Mind : ailments from indignation; indignation, bad effects following; ailments from reproaches; sensitive to reprimands;;ailments from business failure; ailments from anger, vexation with silent grief; anger, irascibility when obliged to answer; ;answers, aversion to; company, aversion to; complaining, day and night; offended easily; scorn, ailments after; talk, indisposed to; desire to be silent, taciturn; wrong, everything seems; escape, desires to. This collection of rubrics seemed to describe Christine extremely well and we felt reasonably confident about our remedy choice.